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Monday, March 27, 2023

Gifts to Rock 'n' Roll IV - Bad Romance

 The lyric of Bad Romance, stunning and unforgettable, contains one word that grates each time I hear the tune, namely:


 "We could write a bad romance . . . ." 


People in the tune do not strike one as writers, or seem likely to develop into writers. Might be an improvement to make it:


"We could swing a wack romance . . . ." or


"We could chase a dead romance."


Offered for what it's worth. The tune is a classic and Gaga delivers it with utmost style and conviction. 



Wednesday, March 15, 2023

Man of Taste



One-time Kiwi rugby phenomenon, emeritus professor of political science, and hard-charging yet finely tuned novelist-in-development Robert Gregory writes from Wellington:

“I read your screenplay [originally titled COCKED & LOADED, presently bearing the working title TASTE]. I couldn't put it down, from start to finish. Reminded me a wee bit of Pulp Fiction.

"As you well know, I'm not a literary/theatre/film critic, just a boring old political scientist. So what the hell do I know? Some brief comments:

"I found the enthusiasm of Jill in joining Clive and Lou immediately after the hold-up rather too neat and tidy, lacking credibility. Abused partners of men don't always rush at the opportunity for 'freedom', and may even be totally shocked and distaught if confronted by Clive's shooting of Frank. As a consequence Jill's character is not well rounded out, not enough emotional ambivalence or trauma?

"Lou's departure to the other gang is a bit obscure. He seems to vanish from the script and then appears suddenly later with the Lorettes.

"The demise of the two women, Jill and Karen, also seems rather stark, stretching credibility somewhat -- especially in Karen's case . . . . And how would such a huge wind have affected Clive's shooting?

"I like the final scene, especially as I thought Clive and Lou had finally got their beans. But I think that the sequence of Clive alive and then revealing his gauze dressings (one assumes he was protected by a flak jacket, or were the wounds not fatal?), should be reversed -- wouldn't a more dramatic effect be gained by first showing a close-up of gauze dressings on a man's chest, then panning back slowly, to reveal Clive as the wearer, very much alive, etc?”

Monday, February 27, 2023

Gifts to Rock 'n' Roll III

 The opening of Eddie Cochran's legendary Summertime Blues:

I'm gonna make a fuss / And I'm gonna make a holla ....


This could be easily upgraded to:

I'm gonna make a fuss / And you're gonna hear me holla ....

R.I.P. Eddie, snatched away far too soon. Love the tune. It's here to stay.

Sunday, July 11, 2021

M. LeClerc - I


"We are slaves of fiction because we know it is the one thing capable of incinerating our tombstone." 

© Negative by M. LeClerc, 2021. No rights under copyright reserved; thieving not encouraged, not prohibited.

Gifts To Rock 'n' Roll - Series II




Patty Smith's The Warrior -- For "shootin' at the walls of heartache" one could substitute "kickin' down the walls of heartache."



Joni Mitchell's Big Yellow Taxi --  For "They paved paradise and put up a parkin' lot" one could substitute "They paved paradise and rolled out a parkin' lot" since though there certainly are multi-story parking lots, the average person's first thought on hearing the term "parking lot" is of a classic surface-level stretch of asphalt, to the construction of which the term "put up" does not apply, in one man's quiet opinion.


 The Dan's Deacon Blues --  For "I cried when I wrote this song, / Sue me if I play too long," one could substitute "I cried when I wrote this song, / Sue me if I play it wrong" though it is of course the heighth of presumptuousness to suggest an alteration of a Dan lyric, Walter and Donald's tunes among the most magnificently written in rock history but I've been thinking and singing "play it wrong" for decades, thinking that was the way it was originally sung and recorded, hence this inexcusable note.

Monday, May 17, 2021

Verses as a Vase of Barbed Wire

 With respectful apologies to a stubborn and indispensable master:


None too savory; not required reading at this time.

Trunk Ms. Escapes

 The most pretentious hotdog ever put on a bun. A perfect example of how not to write a novel. Should have been awarded an Oscar Meyer Prize. But he was young and under the influence of an overwhelming non-straightforward maximum-complexity master, so he can be given a pass.