In terms of suspense, I'm not sure that it was too tangible. You may want to go see "No Country For Old Men" to get a great example of suspense personified by the Javier Bardem character...here is a real wacko nut job on the hunt for the main character...you know what he's capable of and you know what he's going to do with the main guy once he finds him...you could introduce a character similar in yours that works for the mobster family and is systematically hunting down Clive... The suspense will come from what's going to happen when these two meet and whether or not Clive will survive the confrontation or even what it's going to cost him.
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