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Wednesday, March 5, 2008

Screenplay Comments XIII

Joe the Conqueror writes further of C&L:

I enjoyed the car conversation scene of Lorette family snipers in wait at grave site very much. I might enjoy more of that.

What I loved about that scene is that as omniscient voyeurs of that world, we knew something Clive and Lou had no idea of. It set me on edge as the reader (imagine how powerful that scene is watching it in all it’s cinema graphic glory), as to what was going to happen next and scared the hell out of me. Clive is clueless which I find very intriguing/exciting because he’s always so cocksure about everything.

Like maybe if we saw the Lorrett family guy talking about “making a little visitation” to Clive which sets us up for dangerous suspense. Then you can cut back to Karen/Clive live action which takes our minds off it and gives all but the most astute viewers a false sense of security concerning the good looking leading man and lady. You’re watching him on the way to Clive’s while Clive is in bed w/ Karen, or he’s shaving, or eating cheese doodles, and we think he’s going to walk in on them and blow Clive’s brains and/or Karen’s brains, and it’s just the exact opposite like you have it, and Lorrette gets whacked. It messes with our heads. I don’t know…just a thought…for what it’s worth.

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