Screenplay 3

I changed the tense of the voiceover from present to past, and added a final "action" scene representing a projection of the speaker's, i.e. the protag's state of mind--there is nothing to distinguish the action scenes (there are four or five of them over the 16 pages of V.O.) from the scenes showing the protag in his actual everyday life, other than their shocking nature, which will lead I hope the average viewer to understand that they did not in fact happen and are only dramatizations of the protag's mental life. A V.O. in the present tense I think comes across as a screaming artificiality; strange that this is the case because in "real life" we think in the present tense, don't we, at least part of the time? But it just doesn't seem to "play" on screen, at least when I hear it in my mind. Though I would like to hear it on screen that way, just to be sure. As if that's ever going to happen. Movie sets in the sky. I hope I'm not charged rent.